pussykat1
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "pussykat1" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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08:45 pm
[Link] | ( See my comment statistics )
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08:10 pm
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Cows are actualy sheep in disguise....
Well, it's been a very interesting week or couple of weeks for me... I'm sure anyone who reads this will probably have read my previous entries and of course, the comments that went with them.
First things first, I want to put a few things straight.
1) I do not, in any way, shape or form, have an infection of somekind. I'm currently trying to work out where that rumour came from as it's a pretty interesting one, I'm intrugied as to where it could have originated from.
2) I'm actually happy right now. Not been there for a while.. hehe
3) Baby pigeons exsist. Honest to god, there is a nest in the gutter above the side door of Lloyds on Abington street. Baby pigeons...who'd have thought it??
Ok so better update all those people genuinly interested in my LJ on the other things that have been happening recently..
Most of you know I'm now with a guy called Budgie. He's not a little bird with yellow or green or blue feathers, by the way, I'm not that deluded. More like a sheepdog actually (his own words)...beard (ughhh facial hair..lots of it too!!!) and longish black hair... I can see where the sheepdog resemblences comes from. =) Nope, he's someone I knew from when I was about 14, he moved to Cornwall when I was 15 and I 're-met' him in the Penny about a month ago. We hit it off right away and we got together 'officially' 2 weeks ago. It's been fantastic, we're taking it slow because of various situations and circumstances, but I'm actually happy...which is good ..have a good feeling about this one ;)
We do so much together, we go places and have fun and hang out... it's fantastic! We've got loads in common, so many people have commented on how well we seem to go together, which is nice....but yet again, taking it slow...one step at a time =)
I've dyed my hair normal again. I quit subway due to my hips (not being able to walk/stand for long periods at a time) and I need brown hair to help me find some sort of office/admin/receptionist style job. Shame, I liked the purple/blue/blonde thing I can going on, but nothing last forever =)
My outlook on life seems to have changed recently. I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks and I've realised nothing is ever as bad as it seems to be at the time. Bad things that happen always seem really awful at the time but when I look back, I realise that, yeah I might have been feeling way I did, but I never kept in my head that it really was going to be ok...and I should have. I think I've learnt a lot over the last few weeks...about myself and about different circumstances and their
repercussions (sp?) and I've taken it all on board.
I'm shutting this live journal down now, adding my real friends to my friends list on my new one and leaving all the past behind me. Time for a happier Hannah
Peace out
x
P.S If you haven't read The Salmon of Doubt..do it, it's a fantastic read... lots of little stories and lots of random tangents (sp?)...very amusing and very insightful
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07:52 pm
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Stolen from Adam =)
1. Go here
2. Fill it out
and since I dont know how to link you to my answers...here they are =)
1. Go <a href="http://mike.mm1swebcreations.com/lj/ljFriendsQuiz/">here</a>.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )
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10:34 am
[Link] | Had a dream about Paul last night... not entirly shure why, or what it was about, but I know he was in it.... weird though, I didn't wake up in a bad mood this time...
hmmm
Going out tonight, Penny then Hush...haven't been to hush in a while so I thought I'd go along, since I have nothing else to do =)
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11:34 am
[Link] | Why?
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12:31 pm
[Link] | :edited:
nothing interesting to say.
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11:28 am
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come on then guys... =)
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02:13 pm
[Link] | Accent – Northampton
Bra size – 32B
Chore I hate – Hoovering
Dad's name – Denis
Essential make-up – Eyeliner
Favorite perfume – Ted Baker
Gold or Silver - Silver
Hometown – Northampton
Job title – Sandwhich Artist, haha
Kids - None
Living arrangements – Live with parents
Mom's Birthplace – Milton Keynes
Number of apples eaten in last week – 1 or 2 maybe?
Overnight hospital stays – Birth and when I was 10, for my ankle
Phobia – Being trapped, spiders, ventriloquist dolls..loads actually
Question you ask yourself a lot - Why am I so fucked up?
Religious affiliation – None
Siblings – 1 brother, 1 half brother, 1 almost step sister
Time I wake up – whenever I need to
Vegetable I refuse to eat – Potato
Worst habit – Biting nails (tho I'm stopping that)
X-rays – None
Yummy food I make – Chilli
Zodiac sign – Pisces
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11:55 am
[Link] | I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I've realised that if I want Paul back, it has to be up to him, not what I can do about it. There is nothing that I can possibly do to change his mind, it has to be up to him, entirely his decision. Ok so I know it's not going to happen, because, lets face it, I was a shit girlfriend and he doesn't want me back again. But I have to stop saying I'll do anything for him and I'll do anything if he'll just take me back. I'm not saying I don't mean it, because I really really do, but saying it isn't going to make anything happen any faster, if at all.
I do miss him, so much that it's almost unbearable, but I can't do anything about that and all I'm doing is hurting myself, getting my hopes up that he's going to take me back some day soon.
I doubt he's ever going to take me back, and that hurts so much. I was the best I could have been to him, I was loyal, I looked out for him, I loved him more than I loved anyone before and I cared as much as I possibly could for him. I still don't understand what went wrong, or why it happened, but I know I need to give him space. Maybe, just maybe he'll change his mind and maybe want me back, one day. I'm going to wait for him, I don't want to be with anyone else right now, I want to be with Paul, and only Paul.
Yeah I know that'll change at some point, when I finally get over him, in however many months it may take, but right now I can't think of anyone I'd rather be cuddled up with in bed or sat holding hands with, or just being able to call my boyfriend. I've been fooling myself, seeing other people, trying to prove to myself I'm strong and I can do this, but all I'm doing is hurting myself and the other people invlolved. I'm still in love with Paul and I shouldn't be seeing other people when I feel so strongly about Paul as I still do.
I'm still hoping that one day, he's going to wake up and suddenly think about me, or want me back. Or miss me in some way. I just can't get it into my head that he could just stop loving me, from the moment he broke up with me, and not miss me even a tiny bit? I'm sure that must be emotionally impossible. Either that or he didn't love me in the first place, and was lying when he said he did.
Maybe I'm just fucked up....opr maybe I loved this guy more than I thought I did. I can never remeber being this messed up over a break up before. It's not like other break ups, where I've been unable to do anything for about a week, then after that I'm fine...I push it out of my mind and don't think about it after that. This is different, I can't stop thinking about him, and it's scaring me. I know I'll get over him, but just how long is it going to take? I don't understand what was so special about this relationship in comparison to others, and why it's taking me so long to get over him.
Maybe it was the fact that I fell for Paul way back in January...not just fell for him, but fell in love with him.
I fell for him the first time I laid eyes on him.
I really dont understand why I can't be happy. The only thing I can see making me happy is the miricle of Paul suddenly wanting me back, and acting on it.
Better go, can't see the keyboard right now.
x
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11:11 am
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Frosted PhoneBills
I dyed my hair blue. I actually did it a few entried before this, but I thought i'd tell you know. I'm also going to tell you all about my photo shoot, which I had on wednesday. It was great! It's for a website called www.slinkyskin.com and www.balletboot.com. Steve is a latex fetish photographer and so I got to wander round in latex looking good AND get paid £120 for it! (I was only there for 6 hours)
The first outfit I wore was a latex french maid uniform, which was cool...took loads and loads pic pics of that, and a video of me walking around in ballet boots. If you've ever seen (or worn) ballet boots, you'll know how uncomfortable they look/are, and having to walk around in them, when you have bad anklesanyway, is agony, but it was fun =)
The second outfit I wore was a latex hot pink top and a pencil skirt with some awsome heels. This was more of a 'fashion' shoot, nothing out of the ordinary except for the material the clothes were made of.
The third outfit was a latex catsuit with inflateable breasts. God this thing was funny, i looked good though, I reckon =) He also put a 19" strap on, on me, and cos it was so big, had to chain it to my 'breasts' to stop it falling down. I felt a tiny bit uncomfortable at first, but after a while it was just silly...it looked ridiculous... makes you wonder what kind of people find a woman in a latex catsuit with a 19" black cock, sexy...??? I don't know.
The second accessory was a gas mask, which was really cool. I've never worn a gas mask before and it looks odd, but wasn't at all uncomfortable like I thought it'd be. Took a load of shoots from that as well.
All in all they took over 300 shots, and the best ones should be ponline by next week sometime, so keep your eyes out =)
Oh yeah, and I had the top of my ear peirced on Thursday too, which was good, cos I've been meaning to have it done for ages. Went shopping as well, bought shoes, a gorgeous new top, makeup..you know...girly stuff really. It's been so long since I've had money I can actually spend that I just kind of went mad!
Another shoot in about 4 weeks I think...keep your fingers crossed for me!
xxx
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09:47 am
[Link] | It's been nearly 5 weeks since Paul split up with me and it's not even got one tiny teeny bit easier. I've tried absoloutly everything to get him back/get over him and I can't do it. I love him so much and I can't get him out of my mind. I would do anything to get back with him, I don't even understand what I did wrong in the first place. We were fine and then, all of a sudden, he broke up with me. The only reason I got was that it didn't 'feel right'. I spoke to someone close to him last week and they said he thought that Paul may have thought that our relationship was going the same way as a previous one had, and didn't want it to. That's fair enough, but why do I have to hear all these reasons from someone else? I hate not being able to just walk up to him in the penny and hug him, or cuddle up to him when I want, or call him just to say goodnight. I miss everything about that guy, and I can't get him out of my head.
Everytime we're both working is agony, we work opposite each other, and I can't help but gaze across to the shop and look for him, knowing he doesn't care what I'm doing or where I'm going or how I am.
There hasn't been one day gone past where I've not had to stop myself crying over it, 5 weeks on and it's still this bad. I was so happy with him, he gave me everything I ever needed and ever wanted, and then even more. He made me smile, laugh, made me feel so good about my body. He put up with me when I was hammered, he tried to help me when I was down, he loved me for me. I just don't understand where anything went wrong. I know I got a little posessive towards the last few weeks, but I was going through a down patch and just needed reassurance. I'd do anything and change anything to be with him, I really hope he knows that. He was the perfect boyfriend, he was caring, sweet, funny, gorgeous, loving, generous, pateint.
Why can't I just move on??? Why am I sat here, balling my eyes out over something that lasted barely 3 months anyway, and ended over a month ago?
Because I loved him, and still do, with all my heart.
Stupidly, I still have my fingers crossed and my hopes up that he'll just suddenly want me back. I know it's not going to happen, but I can't help but think about it happenening, every day.
I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do.
Please don't tell me that it's going to be ok, I know it will, but I want to know when it will. I want to know when my baby's going to want me back, when he's going to let me call him my boyfriend again, I want to know what went wrong, I want to know what I did wrong. I don't want to know that there are 'other fish in the sea' and that 'he wasnt worth it anyway' because he was. He really really was. And he still is
Current Mood: Absolooutly Fucking Shit
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12:30 pm
[Link] | Went out Saturday night, met some interesting people, met some uninteresting people. Danced a lot.
Went to Bob's. Went to bed at 4. Woke up at 6. Went back to sleep at 7. Woke up at 2.
Good weekend
p.s. I'm bored.
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12:05 am
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Crazy Coconuts
My head hurts. My mind is confused. My heart is torn. I have no idea what to do.
Since Paul left me I've been all over the place. I'm a mess and no one can see cos I'm hiding it all till I get home at night.
I've tried to get over him and move on but everytime I think I see him, or someone says his name, or it's a full moon (to those that don't understand about the full moon bit...don't worry), I feel sick. I hate not being with him, it makes me so upset and so pissed off at myself to think that I thought what we had was so strong and would last for a long time.
I'm whining again..
I'm sorry.
Paul, if you read this, I love you honey and I'd do anything, just anything....
Hope you're ok baby
Love always xxxx
Current Mood:  confused
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04:29 pm
[Link] | 
You are a fiery! You're wild, red and outrageous
and you live life like it's all just a huge
game. You love to dance and you also have a
detachable head.
"Which 'Labyrinth' Character are you?"
brought to you by Quizilla
yay! i have a detatchable head!!!!
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10:49 am
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HARDCORE TILL I FUCKING DIE BABY!!!
ok so.... Saturday i heaeded over to Milton Keynes at about 4 ish, Met Podge, went to his, Watched Simpsons, Went to Subway, ate sandwhich, went to snobar, drank Redbull.
Then headed off to The Empire for RaverBaby event one.
I went to Raverbaby - The birth, and it was fantastic. Good to see thatthey're keeping standards sky high!
Got in there at about 10 ish...walked into the main room and my fucking god. Ravers everywhere, glowsticks, Hot raverbabies, fucking bangning music... it was the fucking dogs.
Spent all night bouncing and playing with glowsticks. Was the most sober out of everyone (only been on red bull) and yet I was the ONLY person dancing ALL night, constantly wanting to be bouncing away... the rest of them danced in small spurts... I'd say Bob was the only one nearly as bouncy as me...
Danced my socks off till about 5 when I suddenly broke. My hips gave up, so I had to sit upstairs and bounce with my hands, sitting down. still worth it though.
Got out, went to train station, only to find the trains weren't trains, they were busses and the first one would glet us on cos there wasnt enough room. So we walked/hobbled to Mac Donalds and got bought panckaes and orange juice. Bad choice. Orange makes me hyper...and I was running on adrenaline.
Got the bus and got back to bob's for 9.30....and i sat there, stuck on some more hardcore and bouced away for the next 3 hours. Finally started to crash at about 6pm...when I wasnt aloud to go to sleep... grrr.
Got home at 11.30...was in bed by about 11.34... hehe
Need sleep. Cant Move. Lots of Pain. Pulled muscles, bruised muscles. Hot Bath. Deep Heat.
FUCKING AWSOME WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you to everyone who came with me to Raverbaby, and Tim...fucking Happy 18th!!!
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11:33 am
[Link] | Ok so Paul and I broke up on Sunday 26th June, I do believe....
I took it hard... I'm still taking it extremely hard. I just wish he's change his mind and want me back =( I miss him so much. I know it may not seem like I'm taking it too hard when people see me, but it's all a front. I cant stand being away from him so much, it hurts =(
I hate this so much. I love that guy and he doesnt feel the same anymore. I pushed him away, like I have other people. Why cant I just do things right for a change?
Bright side - going to rave on sat.
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09:40 pm
[Link] | Ok so last night Paul and I had an arguement.
I say arguement, I mean he shouted at me, and I cried. Today he doesn't know if he wants to be with me.
I feel like shit, I'm ill, I'm in pain and now this.
Anyone know any good towns to live in? I'm now very very seriously considering moving away. Starting over and forgetting most of the people who live here. They allseem to have fogotten about me, anyway.
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09:20 pm
[Link] | | Your Pisces Drinking Style |
 If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain.
Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but you build up a mighty tolerance fast.
You're an expensive date!
On the other hand, you're a fabulously enchanting partner, whether in conversation or in crime.
With the right person, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days.
The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know. | | Your Signature Cocktails | Pisces rules fresh mint, and you do love a mojito or three -- though a julep will do just as well.
You also like punches, like sangria or the oh-so-aptly named fish house punch.
(Pretty much anything will satisfy a Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking like a fish" is an idiom pulled out of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.)
You're a total chocoholic, and you love creme de cacao (and spiked cocoa). | | Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies | | Drew Barrymore, Chelsea Clinton, Queen Latifah, Bruce Willis, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ted Kennedy, Jon Bon Jovi, Fabio |
total bollocks. I'm a lightwieght! and I don't like punch. Though I do like sangria!
On another note...
I have a new job! I now work at Subway on the weekends and Ann Summers during the week. All is good.
I'm ill and I don't like it. Im starving because everything I eat is re-appearing in the most annoying way.
Went to urban tiger last night.... not too bad you know...gave a rose to one of the girls and got a kiss. haha...
Off now...will be sure to update when I have something interesting to say
xxxxxx
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02:22 pm
[Link] | Bored, Lonely, In Pain.
That sums up me right now (right now being 12.45 pm on the 21st June).
Bored cos I'm not at work... lonely cos there's no one here and in Pain being the reason I'm not at work (my hip's playing up again)
I miss Paul =( And I miss seeing my mates as often as I'd like... certain people just don't seem to be interested in talking to me or seeing me any more..which sucks.... I hate it when that happens...cos I haven't done anything wrong as far as I can see. People lose interest in me too fast... =(
Im hungry but have nothing to eat. had pancakes for breakfast this morning.
god I'm bored. someone invite me down the pub or something....
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12:57 am
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Apparently
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